There is this little ugly truth I have a hard time saying out loud. It’s ugly because it’s not the nice thing. Or maybe the grateful thing. Or even the “Christian” thing. It’s simply real. I’m bored. There it is in all the stark ugliness of it’s reality.
Don’t get me wrong. I AM over-busy just like the rest of you. I don’t need more things and I most certainly am not looking for activities to fill my day, thank you very much. I told myself that if I could JUST be more grateful…If I could JUST be more present in my day….If I could JUST be more (_______), If I could JUST BE MORE… that I could get past the boredom.
Today I’m moving from judging my feelings and myself for having them into a space of just saying it out loud. I have no answers. I could use a new hobby, because as my best friend/husband pointed out to me last night, work, wine, and watching legal dramas does not a hobby make. New hobby or not, adventures discovered or left unseen, whimsical moments or same-ole-schedules, self-judgement time is done.
Living in boredom is surrounded by a fear of missing out. A fear that I am not living in the awareness of God’s goodness and active love. I hear if one, then not the other. If I am bored, then I can’t love my life. If I am bored, then God is not active or acknowledged. The truth is that I LOVE my life. I AM so grateful. I DO feel like I am in the presence and purpose of God. ALSO, I am bored. They coexist.
It might be a season. It might be something else. I know no answers. All I know is there is no doing more, believing more, being more my way out. There is only resting in the identity of enough. Several people spoke this truth and reminder to me this week. Enough.
In case you need a reminder too, you can stop judging yourself. It’s okay. You can love your family and still be a little bored. It’s okay. You are not wrong or broken. You are enough.
ROMANS 8:15-17 This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children.